Confessions of a 2nd-time mom: 19 weeks pregnant

Dress: Target; Blazer: Forever 21

Dude, I’m feeling so weird lately. I’m like a backwards Jennifer. All of the things I used to love seem to be boring the crap out of me lately. And all of the things I used to avoid have been at the top of my list.

For example, my job lately feels like groundhog day. Every week FLIES by with tasks and deadlines. By the time I finally get to take a sigh of relief and a break, my weekend is over an it’s back to the grind. Granted, I worked something like 16 hours of overtime a week ago,  that could be a big part of my exhaustion and “done” feeling. I’m counting down the days until my Christmas vacation. I’m not going anywhere but I plan to pack my schedule with fun Christmas activities and baking. Yes, baking! … What has gotten into me?

This week, instead of enjoying my evenings taking photos and blogging about my life, I’ve taken to cleaning when I get home. Wednesday I cleaned for five hours straight, with little breaks to play with Lil’ J (she did surprisingly well entertaining herself). I cleaned my livingroom, kitchen, bedroom (unpacking that final box that had been sitting in the corner since April), Lil’ J’s room, hung blinds, new drapes, and mopped. Then last night I rearranged our TV stand and moved (pushed, don’t worry) our old one into our bedroom. It’s a strange manic mood that’s keeping me up til 1-2am.

I’m so excited about Christmas it’s not even funny. I can’t wait to see the Christmas lights, read the stories, and sing the songs. All the while I feel like this baby, and this pregnancy aren’t getting as much attention and excitement as it should.

Is this the start of the second-child syndrome? Will his/her baby books not be as cool or complete? (Actually Lil’ J doesn’t even have one either, so that’s a big NO) . I’m 19 weeks pregnant and sometimes I even forget I’m pregnant! When I was pregnant with Spawnie, that baby never left her special spot front and center in my mind.

I’m more excited to set up Lil’ J’s big girl room than I am to decorate another nursery. I don’t want to know the baby’s sex mostly because I’m SO excited for the surprise at birth, but partly because I want to limit the amount of shopping and planning I’ll want to do before s/he arrives.

I feel so GUILTY!

I’m really and truly so excited for this baby but I feel like my outward display of excitement comes off as unenthused. Maybe I need to look at newborn pics of Lil’ J for a refresher of what’s to come. Maybe Monday’s ultrasound will make it all sink in again and be just the kick I need to be like “WOOHOO BABY!” and shout it from the rooftops. Or maybe my emotions are normal.

I wonder what it’s like when it’s your third, fourth, fifth time being pregnant. Do women just get so used to it, it becomes an ordinary phase of life?

Hopefully my backwards self will turn around soon cause the planning, anti-cleaning, peppy cheerleader inside of me is ready to get this show on the road.

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  1. Wow! Look at you! Seems like just yesterday you were blogging about wanting a second baby and today you are almost halfway to having s/he in your arms!!! Ohmygeez how time flies!!!! Congratulations! I only have my 11 month old, but lately i can’t stop thinking and crying about what it will be like when the time comes that there will be no more babies for us. I’m about to be 33 so the clock is ticking. I’m not ready for more right now but i feel like time is running out. ugh! Becoming a mommy has changed me to the core…from emotions to hobbies. Can’t imagine what another would do to me!! Good luck to you! You’re probably just in another crazy symptom of pregnancy and will be back to normal soon.

  2. Funny you should mention this, because I was totally going through the same thing earlier in my pregnancy. I went through a month or two where I totally hated my job, had no interest in anything I was doing, and every day seemed to take FOREVER. I think it was just a hormonal thing because I’m back to normal now, thank goodness. I can’t believe I’m at 24 weeks! I do still have moments, quick ones, where I forget I’m pregnant…but it’s getting harder!

    I’ve also been more excited for Christmas than normal. I think it may be the whole nesting instinct thing manifesting itself in wanted to be super organized and getting gifts bought and things decorated and all that. My excitement decreased a bit this week after getting in a nasty car accident (baby and I are fine, car is not), and the fear and frustration going along with this whole experience have dulled my general sense of joy at the moment. Hopefully it’ll come back once I get over my fear of being back on the road and sort out all of the crap that goes along with this.

    I figure everything in pregnancy involves some sort of hormones, so it’s probably wise to not worry too much in any given moment because things will probably change soon!

  3. I don’t think you’re coming off as unenthusiastic with your pending delivery of Leechie. I do believe that we do become more calm the second time around because we’ve been through it before. So, we know what to expect-the good, the bad and the ugly. We don’t worry as much unless of course you had a horrible first pregnancy.

    And I can relate to being bored to tears during my second pregnancy. But again I think that comes from already knowing what to expect. Trust me, it may seem like Leechie isn’t getting much attention now, but it’ll be the other way around once you finally deliver. You’ll be worry if Lil J is getting enough attention then.

    Glad to hear I’m not the only one going bananas about Christmas! We’ve already thrown up the tree, stockings and window clings!

  4. Just discovered your blog from babycenter (I think…I have pregnancy brain so forgive me if I am wrong) and I love it and your perspective (I am also a black mom of biracial kids). I am due with baby #3 in April.

    I can’t believe how much energy you have while pregnant (though I am much older than you at 34 so that could be it)!

    In any event, I think it is quite normal to not feel obsessive with the pregnancy after no. 1, and you definitely shouldn’t feel guilty. You are growing your baby and thats all you need to do but when he/she arrives it will rock your world 🙂 In a good way.

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