10 Reasons I’m not so sure I’m for sure done having kids
I am so happy having two kids. The perfect pair of my dreams (seriously). I don’t want to have to get a huge car, or give up the spare room, or the amount of time I get to spend with each of my kids individually. I like to dream about future family vacations around the world, as a family of four. And to be honest, I don’t know if I could handle another little boy.
We’re done. I’m pretty sure. Not 100% positive, but close. I’ve started selling off the baby stuff, and I’m happy being a mom of just two, but there are a few things that make me wonder if I’m in denial. Ok 10 things. Here they are…
1. When I have a dream about having more than two children, they aren’t nightmares.
2. When someone asks me if we’re done I can’t just say “YES.” It’s “probably” or “I’m pretty sure” or “my husband is!”
3. I forbid my husband get the vasectomy for another four years.
4. Sometimes I get inexplicably jealous of my friends who get pregnant while on birth control.
5. I worry 20 years from now I’ll wish I had one (or two) more.
6. Occasionally I panic that my IUD has failed or fallen out without me knowing, and for a split second I think it wouldn’t be so bad.
7. I keep adding names to my baby name list.
8. Most days I feel “two and through” but some days I don’t.
9. Pictures of my kids as infants sets off a hint of baby fever.
10. The thought of praying about it (and the answer I might get) terrifies me.
When did you know you were DONE done?
I can’t answer that question because I am not sure we are done done.
I am 41 now. At my last year’s doctor visit with the Gyn, she asked that question, and my response was that my husband is, but I am not so sure. She told me that I don’t have much time. *Sigh*
When we got married, he wanted 4 kids, and I wanted two. We had our first (a son), and he came down from 4 to 3, and I stuck at 2. Then our daughter came, and I went to 3, and he came down to 2. I know I would love one more, but with an 8 yr old and a 6 yr old, it’s also a little scary to head back to the baby camp, especially at my age. We haven’t done anything permanent, so I guess there’s always a chance.
You are young, so time is on your side. Good luck with your decision!
I think I’d like to wait until mine are in school too. I’d still be pretty young and could potentially be done by 35 still. But eh… I like the idea of being done too. Thanks for the good luck wishes, same to you mama!
Wow. You sound like my wife.
We have another fertilized egg on ice and she thinks we are going back for it. But I’m done.
I don’t wanna do the new baby thing any more and we have beautiful 2 year old twins (boy and a girl). I kinda feel like asking for more is just being greedy.
Then there is the whole expense of raising kids.
I’m with your hubby. I’m looking into the “Big V” this year.
Good luck. I’m sure you’ll make the right decision.
Hahaha! At least you’ll still have that egg on ice, maybe I can convince him to do that before he goes and gets snipped, just in case 😉 You do sound a TON like my husband… Not wanting to get greedy. lol
Us men folks gotta stick together. Tell your hubby to call me if he ever needs moral support.
Ha.
There is a chance the embryo will go bad during the thawing process. At least that’s what they told us in 2012 when we did IVF.
I felt how you feel after one. Our little boy is 16 months now, and I just found out that number two is on the way (unplanned, unexpected)! So, we are definitely done after this and heading to vasectomy-ville. I have a 7 year old stepdaughter and drive a Honda Fit, and I’m not willing to get a bigger car, so I’m currently shopping around for narrow car seats.
I have a coworker that stopped at two (she’s 44 now and her boys are teenagers) and she wishes she’d had at least two more.
Haha. Well congratulations on #2! I think the Dino/Radiant something like that are good narrow seats!
If you’re needing narrow car seats, Diono are the way to go. Pricey, but worth every penny. We fit two of those and a Chicco infant seat in the back seat of our Impala. All three fit into every car we rented, too.
I just recently had my fourth and I thought I was done after 2. I am sure I am done now. It’s just a feeling I have. I don’t do the what ifs anymore. I see a pregnant woman and I’m like oh that nice…not awww I wannabe preggers…those ten things on your list are no longer things I think about. .give it time..chances are you will have another. Don’t sell all the baby stuff 🙂
Haha, that’s a super great analogy! Thanks Sherrie!
I thought we would be done after four, but Heavenly Father had other plans. From almost the day my son was born I felt like we should have another baby. It took over a year for me and my husband to get on board, but I’m so glad we did. Our little girl is just so precious I couldn’t imagine life without her. She just turned two and people ask if we’re done. And the truth is, I’m good either way. I feel good about being done, but would be happy with another baby if it was meant. It’s ok to not know, but the best way to get your answer is prayer.
<3 Super sweet! That' true, maybe I'll get a confirmation that this is all I'm suppose to have and I won't have those 10 conflicting feelings anymore!
I have a 5 y.o., a 2.5 y.o., and an 8 month old with special needs… with my first, I could not fathom how people got to the point where they packed away the baby stuff for the last time, got it out and started selling it. It mystified me and made me feel sad and anxious. Now, I get it. Especially every time I do laundry and think about buying new clothes. I feel done. But I also am not a 100%. I’m so ready to move past the baby stage and on to other things. I’ve been selling my newborn and small cloth diapers as proof positive. But then have thoughts about if I -oops!- got pregnant, it wouldn’t be the end of the whole world. We would find a way. I have 100 reasons not to want to go to 4, but all it takes is the right one to go for it, and that is the baby itself.
Our number was always 2 and we have a 8 year old boy and 2 year old daughter so that’s it. When she was born I knew we had been waiting for her and our family was complete. Every now & then I wonder what a 3rd would be like but I don’t want to be pregnant again and now that the girl is mostly potty-trained I’m so happy to be done with diapers and all of that.
I wanted to only have two kids after my hellish second delivery, but I always knew I’d have at least three. When my second was 3 I felt the time was right to try for the next. I conceived easily. The last two are almost exactly four years apart. I love the spacing and don’t regret waiting.
I am not 100 percent certain I’m done, but I’m really close. I’d say 90 percent. I have some health issues I need to factor in. I do love my baby but I’ll be glad when she starts kindergarten in about five years. Haha.
Seriously, though … three isn’t bad at all. I kind of love it! My second is so energetic, it would have been hard to have my third any sooner than I did. Maybe you’ll feel the same in a year or so!
I could give you 20 reasons I don’t want to be done but only 1 matters, I physically can’t have any more. Be thankful you still have a choice and follow your heart. We are all lucky to be parents, but I say go for it! lol!
Girl, I used to think I wanted three but having the second one has just about killed me! I will be 41 shortly after my oldest turns six and my youngest is one. I AM EXHAUSTED. You will know when you are done. It sounds like you arent:)
When we found out we were having twins!! Ha! I always knew I wanted more than two kidsand knew 5 was too many so we knew we were going for 3-4… Tricky thing is, I felt like 3 was probably good for me when I got pregnant. Now even if I don’t want to think about ever having more kids again, I’d definitely wait till we were closer to 35 to let drew get a vasectomy… There’s just so much that could happen, and it’s so permanent. My logic before I got pregnant this Third time around is when the youngest is 3, if I feel the need to expand the family then I would go for it… And if not then I would know I’m really done. But how do you REALLY know?!?! I ask myself that question all the time. Sorry I can’t be much help but Best of luck figuring it out!!!
Please don’t get preggers! That would mean, I’ll get pregnant too! lol I know kids are a blessing. We don’t plan on having anymore either. But, you never know. I love babies – always have and always will. You’ d think I’d be on BC, but I’m not.
I’m still at one but I’d like to think I’ll have three. I definitely think I would if I’d started as young as you. These Bible says children are a blessing and happy is the man with a quiver full. I think you’re much too young to do anything permanent. Either of you. I’ve heard the two and two plan makes it a bit easier. Two close together,wait 3 or 4 years then another two close together.
I KNEW we were done instantly when I had our third. It was such a definite feeling for me, there’s no question! Even today, two years later I’m even MORE sure. I think a mother just knows, you have the instinctive feeling 😉 If you’re meant to have another (or 2 more) you’ll know, without a doubt, when it’s time!
I respectfully recommend having the number of children that you mutually agreed to before marriage. My husband and are done based on our mutual pre-marriage agreement. He wanted 2. I wanted 0. We comprised at 1 and made that decision prior to our engagement. We have 1 healthly, smart, and darling 4 yr old – we are done because we agreed on 1 child while we were dating. Neither one of us has discussed anything different regarding reproduction because we agreed on 1 child. I would be upset, disappointed, and distressed if my husband did not honor our pre-engagement agreement and pressured me to have another child when that wasn’t our mutual plan
My tubes are tied and wehave no regrets at being “one and done”. I know it’s a personal decision for each family, but I would respect my husband as the head of our home and our mutual pre-marriage decision on the matter.
I know it may be difficult to stick to such pre-martial agreements, but I think it’s the honorable thing to do. I intended to continue my fulltime career after the birth of our child pre-marriage. After becoming a mom, I wanted to work part-time, but we did not discuss that or plan for it. I think it would be wrong for me to dishonor that decision and place all financial/income responsibility on my husband. Therefore, I am still working full-time and after some years at home with grandma during the day, we spent a lot of time researching an excellent preschool for our child that is working well. While I would still like to wirk part-time, I continue to clock my 40-45 hours per week Iin my office. I will likely work part-time when we pay off my graduate school loans in a few years, but only based upon a mutual plan that we both tthink is suitable.
Best to you and your husband as you make plans about future reproduction options.b
I always wanted 4. I had my first two 18 months apart and then life happened and it didn’t seem like two more were in the cards for me. I reconciled myself to having my two. Almost 8 yrs after my second I had my third. A few months ago I had my fourth, 2 yrs after my third. While pregnant I knew she would complete our family and when she weighed in at ten lbs at birth that really sealed it. She was my biggest and I didn’t want to risk a baby even bigger next. Hubby has his surgery date scheduled!
When I was pregnant with #2 I said that we’d most likely be done after #2, but if #2 was a boy there was a tiny chance I’d want to try for #3. However, now that I have my two boys, I’m really coming to terms with not having a girl, and I know that the logistics of #3 (most of the stuff you mentioned, not to mention daycare costs) make it a very bad idea. But I’m 99.9% sure we’re done because I just feel like I can’t do the breastfeeding and bottles and milk intolerance stuff again. My kids have had enough minor-ish but annoying health issues and I’m 36 and getting more tired every day, so I just know it isn’t a good idea. That said, I just had two friends have surprise #3s in the past six months, and I did have a tiny bit of jealousy…though I know I’d panic big-time if that happened to me. Still, all of my baby stuff is still sitting in my crawl space until I am out of childbearing age, because I still worry that the second I gave it away, I’d get pregnant. It is definitely a tough call and I think about it once in a while…but in the end I know it’s important that we stay done for our own sanity.
When I was pregnant and super sick. I made up my mind that one was enough, Then the day came that she was born and I held that precious angel in my arms and I just knew that all the morning sickness, and hardship that pregnancy brought was worth every second of being able to be her mom. I really don’t like the idea of reliving being pregnant, but James and I both agree that at some point (if the circumstances are right) that we will have more children. We’ve said 2 sounds perfect, but at this point. I’m not closing any doors and neither is he. Children are a blessing and the more the merrier so long as that’s what the Lord has in store for us and that we can provide for them. I would like to space them out and be done by the time I’m 35 or so. Once again though I’m learning to trust in Gods timing and in his plan. Whatever he has in store for us is just fine by me, even if it only means that we only have one. I’m so blessed to have her. I have a feeling though she’ll eventually have a sibling or two. 🙂 No one can decide for your Jennifer, but you don’t sound like you are done for me. Every time you have said “two and through” I had a hard time believing it. You’re a great mother and whatever you decide that won’t change. Good Luck!
I always wanted 2 and my husband (who comes from a family with 6) always wanted 4-6. Now I have two, a girl and a boy and instantly after having my son I felt like there are 2 more waiting to come to our family. And now my husband wants to be done. Haha I think we just can’t agree. I feel like not deciding before we got pregnant to be done has put me in a unique situation of really lamenting the loss of not being able to cherish and enjoy every moment of pregnancy/infancy. I’ve never felt more fulfilled as a woman than in being a mother and every day that my kids grow older and need me less it breaks my heart. I’m not ready to have a last first birthday, a last snugly newborn, a last first steps… I think because motherhood is so hard it is so rewarding. So here’s to convincing my hubby we need (at least) one more!
Tim and I both always thought we’d have a big family, so imagine our surprise when we couldn’t have kids!? Now we find ourselves feeling incredibly lucky just to have our one little man. We hope for another, but we’ll have to see. Is it okay if I secretly hope that you have another? Because honestly Jennifer… you produce some amazingly adorable kids. :o)
Haha Leah, I think sometimes I secretly hope I have another, and then I write posts like these. I NOT so secretly want you to have another!!
I was constantly “looking” for the other “missing” baby when we were out shopping. I felt like someone was missing deep in my soul. We had that missing baby and life is complete. You will know when you are done. It will feel right. We now have 6 girls. Life could not be better.
I think because motherhood is so hard it is so rewarding. So here’s to convince my hubby we need (at least) one more! download snipping tool windows 7